Pandora :)

My hubby earned some serious brownie points this week. I've been drooling over the Pandora bracelets, charms, and well everything they have period for a while and now thanks to Charlie I have one of my own.
I'm not usually a jewelry kind of girl but once I saw the "Guardian Angel" charm I went into full-on beg mode. I'm still struggling with the loss of my baby last year. Recently we placed a small statue at my grandmothers grave site so that he'd have a memorial but this is even better because I feel like I can carry him around with me now. The fact I can keep adding on to it for special moments, people and events later on is just icing on the cake.
He might end up regretting it later though because after looking through the book and website Christmas and my birthday seems really far away so I may have to find a way to convince him that new charms are perfect "Sorry for pissing you off" presents! Considering how often that happens it'll be filled up in no time! ;)

My family

We may not have everything we want, but together we have everything we NEED, and at the end of the day that's the important thing.

Getting back in the groove...

So I've been MIA on here for a long time but ready to kick it back up. Looking back on my old posts I'm amazed at how much my life has changed the last 2 years, how much of what I thought was wrong, how different things I was so sure of turned out to be.
But, at the end of the day I'm still just me, the same Kelli I've always been and regardless of how many changes and twists and turns my life has taken I'm glad that I've managed to stay true to myself and keep from turning into someone I don't want to be or falling into the trap of feeling like you need to be what other people think is the "right" way to be.

Another sleepless night in deployment land....

♥♥ Distance is not for the fearful; it is for the BOLD. It's for those who are willing to spend a LOT of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they LOVE. Its for those KNOWING a good thing when they see it even if they dont see it NEARLY ENOUGH! ♥♥

66% done & 34% to go....we are on the downhill slope now! ツ

Paying for my raising.....

Well, I learned a valuable lesson today....anything that you did to your parent's, at least one of your children (if not all!) will eventually do to you! I think I need to go make a list of all the sneaky, manipulative, "how far can I go before they figure it out" things I did to my mom, dad and granny so next time I will have a heads up.
The boys wanted to order Letterman jackets. Between their chores being left unfinished, grades getting lower as their hormones get higher and the cost I decided to break their little hearts and tell them no for now. Tyler was annoyed, but has his ROTC jacket so it wasn't a big deal. Evan though made it clear he was not happy at ALL, but then not much besides teenage girls makes him happy these days...and I figured that was the end of that.
My dad shows up this morning, saying Evan called him because between the surgery and the meds I "forgot" to send the money & order form for his jacket so could he bring him a check. The pain meds do have me a little slow, and I just woke up so even though I knew something wasn't quite right I was too fuzzy to figure out what. I remember Dad saying he would take a check to the school and I curled back up on the couch. A few hours later after the "medicine head" wore off I realized why the conversation with my dad had seemed so confusing. I hadn't forgotten, I had said NO! That little stinker figured my dad wouldn't want to bother me after surgery and would just bring him the check and I wouldn't find out until it was too late!
I was pissed at first...until I realized just how many times I had pulled this same trick when I was his age...and, to be honest, way after I was old enough to still be doing it! My mom had a good laugh when I told her about it and agreed that I am indeed "paying for my raising" :)

Surgery day :/

Ok, kids are off at moms so she can get them on the bus, Taylor is staying the night so she can take me to the hospital at 5am and my cell is fully charged so Charlie can check in on yahoo when he gets in from his mission this afternoon. Now, I just have to sit and wait the next couple of hours---with NO Mt. Dew! I'm pretty sure the no drinking after midnight is going to be the worst part of this whole thing! Hi, my name is Kelli and I'm an addict. LOL Anyway, wish me luck...or at least wish me lots of good drugs so I don't care what they are doing down there! ;)

Getting ready for surgery #1.....

Well, I go today for my pre-op work-up and testing, then surgery Thursday morning at 5:30am. Now that we know it's going to be a lot more difficult and has a smaller percentage of being successful I am starting to stress, knowing that means another, more invasive surgery to fix things. I really wish Charlie was here. Taylor is coming to stay with me the night before surgery but she can only stay that night because she is GRADUATING Thursday night! (all my kiddos are growing up so fast!!!) So, once I get home from the hospital it's just me and the kiddos. Oh well, it will all work out somehow. My mom & dad will help as much as they can, of course, I'm way past lucky on that front!
Anyway, got to talk to Charlie for a good long while last night. We got on the webcam so me and Hannah got to "see" him for awhile! Makes him seem not so far away - for a little while at least. 

There has been so much going on lately, I planned on updating it but as usual I'm already running behind so I guess I will have to save it for later.

One of those days...

So I started with good intentions this morning. Got the kids up for school, enjoyed my morning Marlboro & Mt Dew & made my to do list for the day...take the car to find out how much work it needs before I jump into buying a new one, clean the living room & my bedroom and maybe even a little laundry. Six hours later I am still in my pj's and nothing has even gotten started, let alone finished. I'm not sure what happened, one minute I was fine and the next I was close to tears and curling back up in bed. I'm pissed off ALL the time, at everything and everybody. Even going to work is a struggle these days and I normally enjoy it. I'm completely exhausted but no matter how long I lay in bed I cant rest and when I do manage to fall asleep I wake up crying, sweating, screaming or feeling scared to death. I know I'm having nightmares but luckily I cant remember most of them once I wake up. People keep asking how I'm doing...I have smiling and saying "I'm Fine" down to an art. Fine is SO far from the truth, but something keeps me from saying it out loud. Its like if I say it, it makes it true...which I know is crazy, but I don't claim to be sane these days.

Well, the kids get out of school in an hour so I am going to attempt to at least get dressed and get the dirty clothes out of my bedroom floor so I don't look like a complete hypocrite when I remind them its their day to clean their rooms. Maybe tomorrow will be better.....

Video memorial for my Grandpa Bob

 In loving memory of Robert "Grandpa Bob" Chester...We were all so blessed to have you in our lives, our family, and to watch the amazing relationship you and Grandma had unfold.

Here is the link to watch the video memorial....

http://www.facebook.com/kellibranyan?success=1#%21/video/video.php?v=1301741187144&ref=mf

Dealing with deployment...

Well, Charlie left on March 4th headed to Camp Shelby then on to Afghanistan. It was hard saying goodbye tonight at the end of our call knowing they will now be few & far in between. I know everyone says "Its going to be fine", and "The time will pass before you know it" but the ones that haven't been through this have no way of knowing what it feels like to say goodbye to your husband, your daughters father and not know if that is going to be the last time you ever see him. I know they mean well, but part of me wants to scream ITS NOT OK! ITS NOT FINE! But, it is what it is and its something we have to deal with, like it or not. So, we will see how it goes, hope for the best and deal the best we can.

"Father, keep our troops’ feet, Humvees and vehicles from being caught in a deadly trap or hidden danger. Send out Your angels to encamp around them, accompany and defend and preserve our soldiers’ lives. We ask You to so protect them that NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST THEMWOULD PROSPER OR HIT ITS MARK. Grant peace and comfort to their families and let Your mercies be NEW every morning for these dedicated men and women in uniform. In Christ’s name, amen."